7: It's good to be bad at something

Or why I stopped worrying and fell in love with disc golf

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Hi friends,

I have a few beliefs that might be considered radical by some. One I have mentioned before is that people who claim they have no musical or artistic talent can actually be creative in music and art, and their creativity is of value. Another, probably less radical belief, but just as difficult for many to accept, is it’s good to be bad at something. Let me clarify.

We start out being bad at most things. Some may say “bad” is the wrong word. Maybe saying we’re “inexperienced” or “a novice” would put a positive spin on it. Babies don’t just get up and walk one day, becoming instant toddlers. They need to learn to walk and it takes time. For a short while, learning to walk becomes central to our lives, even if we can’t remember those days. The process of seeing, helping, witnessing your child learn to walk is a joyous one for parents. It involves patience, dedication, and celebration of every milestone, no matter how small. And children who are able to learn to walk, do so at their own pace. Some pick it up young and quickly. Some scoot around the house on their bums, with little desire to get up on two feet until they feel the need to get around faster. Everyone is different.

Over time we grow and develop as humans and we continue to be different from one another. Including having different levels of tolerance for being bad at something. If you are among those who have a low level of tolerance for being bad at something, I ask that you read this and consider what you might be missing in life if you’ve pulled the plug on any creative efforts because you didn’t excel as quickly as you’d have liked.

Recently, over lunch with a friend, I tried to articulate this belief by saying, “it’s ok to suck at something.” He questioned this wording with a chuckle - so maybe that’s not the way I want to say it, or even the way I mean it. But it’s been my experience that too many adults give up on their creative journey too quickly. And some hesitate to even begin a creative journey, all because it is painful for them to be bad at something.

Sometimes, when talking to an audience about adults learning music, I’ll do two impressions. First, an impression of a ten year old blowing into a saxophone for the very first time. I blow a loud, out of tune honk on my horn and then, with an expression of excitement and joy, I look at the instrument and exclaim, “I MADE A SOUND - AWESOME!” I immediately follow it with an impersonation of a fifty-year old blowing into a saxophone for the very first time. The sound coming out of the instrument is the same out of tune honk, but the reaction is very different. They look at the instrument in dismay with a sour face and say, “that’s not how that’s supposed to sound.” Rather than experiencing the joy of making their first sound on an instrument, many adult students are dismayed that they can’t make the instrument immediately sound the way it sounds when they hear more experienced players perform.

At some point in our lives, there is a shift in our approach to learning. All of a sudden (or maybe gradually over time), the embarrassment of not being able to do something (like strum a guitar, or carry a hymn tune while singing in church) becomes cringeworthy for many of us. I can’t tell you how many people I meet who consider the sounds of beginner musicians to be a bit of a joke, rather than something to be celebrated. It’s frankly remarkable to me that people often feel this way, and it has worked its way into our mainstream culture. A couple of years ago, Infiniti released a car commercial that exaggerated the awkwardness of a beginner school band that was playing Also Sprach Zarathustra by Strauss. The idea of the ad was that these kids sound awful and you can shut out the noise in the quiet comfort of their luxury vehicle, which is nearly soundproof when the windows are up. It’s obvious that the marketing team that developed this commercial thought it had comedic value, and would hit home with wealthy mothers who sign their children up to play in youth orchestras. Here’s the advertisement:

There was a significant backlash to this commercial, one that made national headlines. People who had experience with music education, either as teachers, students, or parents, were appalled. Just read the comments in that YouTube video, which is posted on Infiniti’s YouTube channel. One of the comments that stuck out for me is this one from a user named @ellacongleton4286:

“When I was first starting out with clarinet I had very bad self esteem issues whenever I played solo in front of people. This made me remember all the horrible self esteem I used to have starting out. Now I've been playing for 8 years. I think you did a great job making these kids self esteem worse then they might've been. Thanks Infiniti”

The idea that kids sound awful as beginners is more common that you might think. I once got myself in trouble on Facebook when I chastised a parent who was complaining about how awful her child sounded playing the recorder they brought home from school. A second grader. I insisted that parents should be celebrating that moment, not making their child feel poorly about their musical ability. I got blocked.

While most of us realize that it’s awful to do this to kids, do we also realize it’s awful to do to ourselves? Too many adult beginners beat themselves up over not being able to play at a fairly advanced level in the early stages of learning. It takes time to learn music, but too often people give up, rather than live with sounding “bad” for a period of time. And you don’t really sound bad. In the beginning, you sound like a beginner, which is what you SHOULD sound like in the first year (or sometimes longer) of making music.

I play disc golf, and get ready: I’m bad a disc golf. As in NOT good. And I’ve been playing for nearly twenty years. There was a point, many years ago when I considered giving it up. It was incredibly frustrating. I couldn’t seem to get my game together. I watched other beginners pass me in skill level quickly. I sucked at that game, for a long, long time.

But it was a good way for me to hang out with some friends and family, and get outdoors regularly for some exercise. And when my game was on (which wasn’t often), it was really fun. About two years ago I began to hit a turning point. Not surprisingly, it coincided with me getting on the disc golf course much more regularly, as a result of the pandemic. When I began to play more, I became more consistent. My game got better. I’m still not good by most measures, but it is much more enjoyable for me (and for everyone playing along with me). But let me stress this. AT NO POINT did the people I played with make me feel bad about my ability level. They supported me and still do, even when I’m not throwing nearly as well as they do. This kept me going, because they always treated me better than my internal critical voice did.

The process of learning to play disc golf has reinforced my belief that it is good to be bad at something. Being bad at disc golf was, in many ways, a character building process for me. Not everything comes easy, and I had to work hard for what little skill I actually have. And I have developed new skills, some which are pretty impressive. I don’t feel like a beginner any more, though I did for years. And I’m in better physical and mental shape because of the time I spend on the course. Playing disc golf has been good for my overall wellbeing. Just as playing music has been good for my overall wellbeing.

So, if you are a person with an overly active, internal, critical voice, this message is for you. Fight through that. You are your worst critic. (I really think we all are our worst critics.) If you are working on a creative endeavor, stick with it. That embarrassment you feel early on will eventually fade, and the joy of creating will grow over time. It might not be great to be bad at something, but it’s okay. It can be good.

Now go make some music. Make some art. Dance. Sing.

Be Creative.

~Russ